The Island'er' (part 1)

Is Being an Island really so bad?

****

On a normal day, I love love.

But I do not know why people get married.

──────────

One thing that I feel is unfair, but very much needed, is the fact that we cannot read minds. We cannot truly tell what people think of us. We can only presume, interpret, or speculate based on their words and actions.

And sometimes, even those can be deceiving.

──────────

They say man isn't created to be an island.

But what happens when the people who come into your life only take from you?

──────────

Sometime ago, my mentor (in the Lord, and in the flesh🥹, "Merrrrrr" if she ever reads this, Hi! Merrrrrr! My mentor, my life giver 😩😂🫡), and I were having a conversation.

It was a long one, and we spoke about different things, but she kept saying some things that really hit me.

These days, life seems to be all about struggling to make money. Very few people really want to simply live. In fact, very few people can even afford to live normally without money sef. Everybody is thinking about being ambitious, building connections, making money and paying different bills.

And I understand it. We need money.

But somewhere along the line, life has become so one-sided and transactional that even when you don't take anything from people, some people will still demand something from you simply because they are in your space. And the people who discover that they can continually get what they need from you without giving anything in return may keep taking from you until your eyes see shege.

I'm serious.

──────────

This reality is saddening because there is more to life than transactional living. There is more to life than chasing money. But many people may never get to experience that because, well...We all need money at almost every step, we need value from people, we need connections, we need opportunities, we need one another.

Right?

But when did needing one another become the same thing as using one another?

──────────

Let me give you an example.

Let's call our protagonist Adam.

Adam meets two different women: Eve and Evelyn.

With Eve, he treats her beautifully. He showers her with love and care, looks out for her, gives without constantly keeping score, and she does the same for him. Their relationship is mutual. Both people pour into each other.

But then Adam meets Evelyn.

Evelyn is kind. She is loving. She is generous.

And Adam notices.

So he begins taking as much as he can from her kindness.

She gives.

He takes.

She gives some more.

He takes some more.

Eventually, their relationship becomes painfully one-sided, and Evelyn becomes seriously drained.

Now, the problem isn't necessarily that Evelyn isn't as smart as Eve.

It is that sometimes, in the world we live in today, people will enjoy taking from you for as long as you allow them to especially when they discover that you are loving, kind, generous, and unlikely to ask anything from them.

And some people become very skilled at recognising that kind of person. And so I sometimes wonder...

Is being an island not better than this?

──────────

If only we could read minds.

Wouldn't we know the people to avoid?

The people who claim to love us with their words but don't show it in their actions? The ones who promise to be there for us, pamper us, support us and love us, but somehow leave us emptier every time we encounter them? Would we not sometimes prefer solitude to falling in love with people who continually drain us? Because there is a particular kind of loneliness that comes from being surrounded by people and still feeling completely alone.

──────────

Gorgeous, I think we need to start paying attention to what our relationships are doing to us.

Love is beautiful because love itself should make us look out for the best in each other. Look for ways to improve each other's lives. So if you're with someone and you constantly feel like you're pouring, while they are continually taking...Please re-evaluate. Especially if they have the capacity to pour into you, but are cunning, selfish or deliberately choose not to.

Someone's presence can make you happy, and that's okay. Butterflies are beautiful. But what else does their presence bring into your life?

Peace?

Growth?

Support?

Wisdom?

Kindness?

Safety?

Encouragement?

And vice versa...

What else do you offer them?

How, or in what way, did their life become easier because you stepped into it?

How have you made their load lighter?

How have you helped them become better?

Because love isn't simply:

"You make me feel good."

Sometimes love is:

"My life is better because you are in it, and your life is better because I am in it."

──────────

I really don't think people should be forced to marry.

I have seen marriages destroy people and I have also seen marriages build people up.

Both are true.

So I think people should be allowed to explore other areas of life and live without being made to feel as though marriage is the ultimate destination everyone must reach. Let people build careers, travel, serve God, create, learn, make friends, fall in love, fall out of love, grow, live.

Because, being an island isn't so bad after all.

A one-sided relationship can slowly kill something inside you. It can make you question your worth. It can make you resent your own kindness. It can make you wonder why you keep giving. And sometimes, the loneliest place in the world isn't being alone, it is being with someone who is supposed to love you while constantly feeling like you are alone.

──────────

So, Gorgeous...

Look at your relationships, friendships, or even partnerships. Look at the people you call your people.

And ask yourself:

Am I being loved, or am I simply being used?

Don't be afraid of the answers.

Sometimes, the answer will show you where you need to communicate. Sometimes, it will show you where you need to set boundaries. Sometimes, it will show you where you need to give more.

And sometimes...

It will show you that a relationship needs to end.

Life is already complicated enough. We shouldn't make it harder by remaining in relationships that continually drain us simply because we are afraid of being alone.

Sometimes, walking away isn't hatred, it is wisdom. Sometimes, solitude isn't punishment, it is protection.

And sometimes...

being an island is better than being someone's resource.

But Gorgeous...

There is another side to this conversation.

Because while we are busy asking,

"Are the people around me genuinely loving me?"

we also need the courage to ask:

"Am I genuinely loving the people around me?"

Am I loving people simply because of who they are?

Or because of what they can do for me?

(READ IT HERE)

We'll talk about that next.

With love,

Mama.🤍

──────────

Do you like my writeups? Please engage so I know you do. Read other ARTICLES

and share to someone you love, if it blessed you. Don't forget to check out my WEBSITE

too. God bless you.🤍🤍🌸